** This article was originally published in the CAI-SOCO Community Connections Magazine Q2 2025 **
A Two-Step System That Allows You to Thrive In Our Industry
This issue of Community Connections is all about systems that help us thrive professionally. As a 25+ year practicing HOA attorney, I can certainly point to time management or similar skills that have been critical to my success.
But when I started to draft this article, I found myelf recalling the many emotions that regularly threatened to stop my productivity and kill my motivation. I remember feeling frustration, angst, bitterness, exhaustion, anger, strife, … it was a heavy list. And in the early years of my career, these feelings worked as a barrier not only to my ability to thrive, but just to function.
As I’m sure you’ll agree, working in the HOA industry can be challenging at best and hellish at worst. At the surface is an angry world where continual exposure to criticism, conflict, and sometimes a daily dose of hostility is the norm. All lead to the above laundry list of bad emotions.
But with most things in life, you have a choice. You can choose to wallow in the negative attributes of our world, and engage in water cooler talk about how much we hate this or that. Or, you can figure out a better way to deal.
“ We can either make ourselves miserable or make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same. ” — Carlos Castaneda
The system that helps me thrive professionally is more about mental and behavioral strategy vs. professional practice skills. I can sum it up in one phrase: “Grit and Grace”. First you summon the GRIT, then you practice the GRACE. This is a system upon which I’ve relied my entire career.
STEP ONE: SUMMON THE GRIT.
What is grit? It is firmness of mind or spirit. It is unyielding courage in the face of hardship. Our industry has plenty of hardships. We are faced with challenging deadlines, neverending emails, evening/weekend meetings, hurtful words over things outside of our control.
In Angela Lee Duckworth’s Ted Talk: “Grit, The Power of Passion and Perseverance,” she discusses the one characteristic that is a significant predictor of success when trying to achieve long-term goals: Grit.
When faced with significant challenges, I tap into that secret reserve of strength (and we all have it). I reach down as deep as necessary to find the power to meet the goal. If ten new projects land in my lap, all with tight deadlines, I summon a “challenge accepted” attitude.
And, I would try to accomplish a few of the projects well ahead of schedule. That small additional win helps build the grit and works wonders for your psyche. Compare it to working out, when you’re required to do 10 reps, but you push yourself to do 12. Those extra two reps feel amazing both physically and mentally!
Grit is also about reaching out for strength. Remember when the CTA had us experiencing whiplash as the law went back and forth repeatedly, leaving us frustrated and exhausted? In my situation, grit was not summoned from within. It was reaching out to my CTA team, where we would laugh and yell and exhale together. Sometimes grit is in the form of a support network, where we actively encourage each other to keep going.
I don’t know if people are born with grit, but I do know it needs to be nurtured. Using the workout metaphor again, it takes time to develop muscle. If you stop working out, muscles shrink and you get weaker. Grit is stamina, day in, day out, not just for the week, but for years. Grit is living our lives in this HOA industry as a marathon, not a sprint.
STEP TWO: PRACTICE THE GRACE.
If you think summoning grit is hard, practicing grace is often much more difficult. Grace requires acting with kindness, tact, and compassion, even in the face of nastiness.
You have control over how you react to someone. You have choices. You can respond in a similar nasty fashion, but in my mind this does nothing for you. You might feel good for a second, but you often feel worse.
You can just ignore and/or avoid. Again, this does nothing for you. You become comfortably numb with horrible engagements and, therefore, ineffective
My choice? I listen. Then I respond with sensitivity. This has brought me peace every single time. Let them have their say, and then respond tactfully and be generous in your understanding.
And, sometimes all it takes is a few words of kindness to deescalate the fury. Keep in mind that often their hurtful words have nothing to do with you. They have their own baggage. It has everything to do with them. Of course sometimes you will have to do battle, but having a default operating system of grace will win you the war.
Grit and Grace. Learn it. Know it. Live it.